A Cry In The Dark
by Drama-Duchess
Summary: Ephram considers suicide.
1. Silent Scream

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine - I'm just borrowing them for a while. Please note that all events and occurrences of the following story are fictional. All contents do not depict any existing person and if it does, it's purely coincidental.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first stab at fanfic writing. I've had a couple of ideas tickling my brain, but I've never actually put them down in writing. Reviews are appreciated. Please let me know if I'm any good at this or if I should give it up and keep my day job. Haha.  
  
Title: A Cry In The Dark  
  
Chapter 1: Silent Scream  
  
He stared blankly at the shard of glass he held between his thumb and index finger and thought to himself how one simple slice can determine his fate between life and death. It was almost too easy. He was completely absorbed in the prismatic way the light shone thru the piece of glass until something caught his attention. It was his reflection from the bathroom mirror. He was a complete wreck. His gleaming greenish-gray eyes, which at one point had been his best feature, were now bloodshot, tired and empty. The purple streaks in his hair were long gone. His fair complexion had become paler than usual. He had already decided on a clean suicide. There was going to be no mess for anyone to clean when they find him. He always knew there was something amazingly discreet about the tub.  
  
Nobody saw it coming. He did an excellent job of masking the torture he was imposing on himself. It was the longest secret he had ever kept. No one saw the sadness in his eyes. No one knew about his despair. His guilt. All of that was buried under a happy-go-lucky grin. He fooled them all. It was easy to maintain decent grades. He was a smart kid - a steady B average to deter any suspicion. He always considered himself a loner and kept to himself. He attended his classes, did his chores, took his piano lessons, made a couple of new friends, and even tried getting along with his dad. For the most part, he was content with all these things, but when he was left alone, the eternal darkness overwhelmed him. It was excruciatingly dark and he was so lost. He cried.  
  
It was all because of her. He loved her, yet he hated her. She was his stepping-stone, his moral support, his courage, his teacher, his best friend, and his mother. The only person who understood him completely was dead. It had meant so much for his mother to be at his piano recital that night. Beethoven's Piano Sonata No 2 in A major was the piece he was to play. He begged her to be early so she could watch him warm up. Then she said she was running late. But she never made it to the recital at all. She was taken away from him forever in a fatal car wreck and he was to blame.  
  
It's your fault, Ephram Brown. If it weren't for your selfishness, she'd still be alive right now, his brain taunted. His eyes watered and he squeezed the piece of glass hard to stop the voice in his head. He let out a sob as he released his grip of the glass to find fresh blood forming from the cut in his palm. He ignored the pain and curiously watched the blood pump out of his skin for a few minutes. Not once did he attempt to wipe it away. He just let it drip into the sink.  
  
* The Day Before *  
  
Ephram knew he was pathetic, maybe a bit on the sluggish side, but he had never been called 'useless'. Never by his father. It was another heated agrument between the great Dr. Andy "the miracle man" Brown and his less- than-perfect 16 year old son Ephram Brown.  
  
"Ephram, I can't tolerate your behavior. All I ask is for you to do one simple thing and you managed to screw it up. You were supposed to pick Delia up from school today. She had to wait 2 hours in the principal's office. Where the hell were you??" Andy yelled as Ephram walked into the kitchen.  
  
"I forgot." Ephram retorted. He had no good excuses to give. Truth of the matter was, Amy wanted to show him the floral display she designed for the Homecoming Committee after school. And they got into talking and he lost track of time.  
  
"You forgot. Well, that's just great. I don't know where your brain is lately. How about some responsibility here?"  
  
"Responsibilty, dad? You shouldn't lecture me on responsibility. Responsibility like the way you neglected us all these years and all of a sudden now you decide to wake up and do the good fatherly thing?" Ephram felt his face turn red with anger.  
  
"Hey, I gave you a roof over your head. I kept you fed and put clothes on your back. I may have spent a little more time at the office than I should, but at least I knew my responsibilities. I cared about my family's well- being."  
  
"Oh and just when have you ever cared about me, mom, or Delia?! You've missed out on every birthday, holiday, and anniversary since I can remember. Now, you expect me to sweep all that under the rug and pretend it never happened. Mom should've left you a long time ago."  
  
"Don't bring your mother into this, God rest her soul. This has nothing to do with her. It's you I have the problem with, not her." Andy raised his voice.  
  
"It took mom's funeral to make you realize that you had a family. If she hadn't died, would you have even noticed me and Delia at all!?! Was her funeral your awakening?" Ephram yelled at the top of his lungs. He wanted to make his father angry and he seemed to be succeeding.  
  
"Don't you dare talk about your mother that way. And if you weren't so useless and caught up in yourself, you'd know the sacrifices I had to make for you." Andy shouted furiously.  
  
A flashing red light went off in Ephram's brain. He hung on the word 'useless.' His own father called him 'useless.' All of a sudden, it occured to him that 'useless' was the very word he had been searching for to describe his life for the past year. The great Dr. Brown was right. His life was indeed useless.  
  
"I hate you. I hate you so much." Ephram said thru clenched teeth.  
  
"Ephram.." Andy softened, realizing his temper. Holding back tears, Ephram backed away from the kitchen corridor and ran out of the room.  
  
A scuffle of footsteps thudded up the stairs and a door slammed. Andy had knocked on his door several times only to be ignored. Ephram put on his stereo headphones and turned up the volume on his discman. The intense sounds of Paganini's Violin Caprice No 5 was his only comfort when things got bad. The piece was played with such force and velocity that he can usually lose himself from the world. Though, it wasn't much help for him that night. Unstoppable tears flowed from his eyes.  
  
* In The Morning *  
  
He awoke realizing he had cried himself to sleep the night before. The digital clock on his nightstand blinked 7:30 am. It was time to get up for school. He peeled the headphones off his ears and climbed out of bed. The word 'useless' still echoed in his troubled head as he threw on a fresh pair of jeans and a clean white T-shirt. He put on his favorite sweatshirt - the black one that zipped up in the front with the block letters B-R-O-O- K-L-Y-N across the chest.  
  
By the time he came downstairs, his father and Delia were already preparing breakfast.  
  
"Ephram, come join us for a gourmet breakfast." Andy said as he plucked a strawberry PopTart out of the toaster.  
  
"Not hungry." Ephram said nonchalantly.  
  
"C'mon, you must be hungry. You didn't eat dinner last night." Andy said comically. Ephram shrugged and flung his backpack over his shoulder. "Delia sweetie, why don't you go wait in the car. I'll be out in a minute."  
  
"OK daddy." Delia said as took another PopTart and skipped out of the room.  
  
"Look Ephram, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Said some things I didn't mean."  
  
"Whatever." Ephram muttered, trying to avoid eye contact with his father.  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
"Gotta get going or I'll be late for school."  
  
The car ride to school was dead silence. No one said a word. It wasn't so much as no one had anything to say, it was more like no one knew the right words. "Bye" was the only word Ephram said to his father before he got out of the car. How appropriate, Ephram thought.  
  
Ephram went to his first period Literature class. His class had been reading Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Ephram always hated his teacher's book choices, but for some reason, he liked this one. He felt a special bond between him and the character Raskolnikov. It was frightening how much he empathized the guilty emotions this character. Raskolnikov had taken two lives and was paying the price thru mental torture and suffering. Same as Ephram, not in the literal sense, but he always felt deeply responsible for his mother's death. Ephram knew he was on the verge of a mental breakdown and he needed to do something about it. Suicide seemed like an easy escape from his solitude.  
  
After Literature class, he ditched the rest of his classes and walked home. He had something he needed to do. He threw his backpack on the sofa as he entered his home. The house still had a faint aroma of PopTarts. He made a beeline for the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice. Questions ran thru his head. Was he really going to do it? Did he want to end it this way? Did he have the guts to do it? He got angry thinking that last question. He'd been running for too long and giving himself too many excuses. He was not a coward.  
  
Tormented, he took the glass of orange juice with him to his room, sat down in front of his computer and started typing.  
  
** end of chapter 1 ** 


	2. The Email

Chapter 2: The Email  
  
His final letter was an email. He felt he needed to write an explanation. He chose an email instead of a written letter because he knew his handwriting always sucked and no one would ever be able to decipher his chicken scratch. One email would take care of everything.  
  
From: EverwoodSux@hotmail.com  
  
To: Brown.Andrew@EverwoodMedicalClinic.com; GroverGirl87@yahoo.com; Spaceman_ColN@hotmail.com; WildCatsRulz24@aol.com  
  
Subject: Good-Bye Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 10:48:32  
  
I'm sorry, but it has to be this way. I want to die. It was my fault. I've thought about it for a long time so this isn't just a phase. None of you seen this one coming. That's because I hid it all too well.  
  
I've never told anyone this (then again, I never told anyone much) but in the very beginning, I actually thought moving to the middle-of-friggin- nowhere Everwood was a good thing. It would help me to forget the things I wanted to forget. Sure, I had friends back 'home' but every time I thought of them, there was the constant reminder. I realized moving away from New York was like running away from my problems. The farther I ran, the faster it caught up with me. You can't begin to imagine the amount of sadness and grief I felt and still feel. The guilt had been unbearable for the past 11 months. I thought the pain would go away within time, but it just gets worse. I don't know how to live with myself knowing it was because of me. It was MY fault mom died that night. Nobody has to say it, I just know. I've already asked myself all the what-ifs. But it was ME. I'm the one to blame. She was running late. If I hadn't asked her to be there early, she would've never gotten into that car. She wouldn't have been speeding. She would've seen the truck. She would've never been in that accident. She wouldn't have died. My stupid piano recital cost mom's life.  
  
Don't feel too bad about all this - esp you dad. There's nothing you, Delia or anyone could've done to make me change my mind so don't go blaming yourselves. I know you were never around (that was what mom was for), so you can't possibly even know half the things I feel. I said I hated you - I didn't mean it. Somehow, it just came out. I appreciate you for trying to put up with me on a daily basis. I know I keep pushing you away no matter how you try to get to know me these past few months. I can't explain it. I know I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But I do love you. Tell Delia I love her and that she's the best little sister a screwed-up brother like me could ever have. She's a real tropper. Please don't let her be the one to find me. I'll try not to leave a big mess - the tub will catch it all. And don't cry. I've already cried enough tears for ten people.  
  
Before I go, I'd like to say a few things to the other people:  
  
Amy - I've had a crush on you for the longest time now, but you belonged to Colin. And I respect that now. I think you hold back your love for him too much. Maybe it was because of me. Maybe I was just hoping somewhere along the way, you kinda liked me too. Wishful thinking, I guess. Colin loves you. The both of you were meant to be together.  
  
Colin - It's funny how while you're desperately trying to remember the past, I'm desperately trying to forget it. I envy you there, tho it must be tough recovering from amnesia. Just one thing you have to remember though: Amy loves you. Take good care of her.  
  
Bright - I know we started off on the wrong foot and haven't exactly been the best of friends. But I wanted to say that once I knew you better, you're actually a swell guy. Thanks for giving the new kid on the block a chance. The team would be nowhere without you. Go WildCats!  
  
Well, that about sums it up. I'm assuming by the time you get this email, the deed would've been done. Don't miss me too much. Think of it this way, I'll be in a better place. At least the pain will go away and I'll get to see mom again..  
  
GoodBye, Ephram ***  
  
He sobbed uncontrollably as he finished typing his email and quickly brushed his tears away with the back of his hands. He made the cursor arrow hover over the 'send' and 'delete' buttons for a few minutes. A slight moment of hestitation. Then the photo stared at him. It was a framed picture taken of him and his mother at a Central Park Summer Festival, which stood next to his monitor. Another flood of tears took him. He finally clicked 'send'.  
  
Ephram picked up the glass of orange juice as he walked to the bathroom. He poured the remainder of the juice into the sink. Why? He thought. Why had I been so selfish? I wanted her all to myself. Now Delia will never know what it's like to have a mother. A rage of anger siezed himand he threw the glass into the sink smashing it into pieces.  
  
** end of chapter 2 ** 


	3. In The Bathroom

Chapter 3: In The Bathroom  
  
Ephram took another shard of glass and sat on the bathroom floor. With his back leaning against the side of the bathtub, he stared at the piece of glass again. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for. Perhaps he was waiting for someone to stop him. But the phone was not ringing and the doorbell silent. Let's face it, no one knew where he was and what he was about to do. It was hardly noon and everyone was either at work or school. He doubted anyone would check their email this early. He put the shard of glass down beside him. He sat there for half an hour.  
  
He looked at the wound on his palm from his cut earlier. Dried blood was starting to form. It really didn't hurt as much when the pain wasn't throbbing. When he hurt himself, the physical pain overtook the mental pain. It worked like a charm. But as soon as the pain subsided, his dark thoughts returned. Nobody was going to come for him. Ephram pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt enough to reveal his bony wrists. He stared at the blue veins under his skin and wondered how deep he had to go to cut something vital. He picked up the piece of glass again. Holding it in his left hand, he trembled as he made his first cut.  
  
Impatiently, he didn't feel pain at all. But all he needed was to give it a few seconds. Small driplets of blood surfaced from the cut at a super slow pace. Great, I didn't go deep enough, he thought. He decided to try it again. With his left hand, he gashed his right wrist just two centimeters away from his initial cut. This time, the glass went deeper than the first attempt. He felt a deep surge of pain shoot up his arm and into his back. He let out a cry. Dark red blood spewed out of the wound and onto his jeans, eventually making it's way to the beige tiles beneath him.  
  
He got scared watching the blood spilling out of his wrist. The blood dripped all over his hands and clothes. There was a small puddle of blood forming on the tiles. A few teardrops fell from his eyes and mixed with the blood. He took the shard of glass in this left hand and tried to slash his right wrist. The tears blurred his vision. He had to make three cuts before he was satisfied. Since his hands shoke so badly, he wasn't sure if he went deep enough the first two times. Shit, I forgot to get in the tub, he thought. But it was too late for that now. He began to feel extremely tired almost instantly. He rested his head on the edge of the tub. Closing his eyes, his mind started drifting and he fainted. The blood continued to spew from his listless hands.  
  
Ephram awoke to the sound of a strange noise. His brain was all fuzzy. It sounded like a soft bleeping in the distant. When his head cleared a bit, he realized it was the phone ringing in the hall. Someone must've read his email! Someone cared! He thought. Part of him wanted to go and pick it up but he was in too much pain and dizziness to move from his position. He gave up and just lay there waiting to die.  
  
** end of chapter 3 ** 


	4. Finding Him

Chapter 4: Finding Him  
  
Dr. Andy Brown had just finished tending to his 9:30am patient appointment. Mrs. Baxter had arthristis problems again. It wasn't anything that he couldn't handle. But boy did Mrs. Baxter like to talk. By 10:30am, he was back in his office sipping black coffee and after spending an hour reviewing other patient's medical files, he decided to check his email. He was never really fond of the concept of emailing. He was more of a phone person.  
  
Scratching his beard, Andy clicked on his Microsoft Outlook inbox. He got about 12 new emails - most of which were from his colleagues in New York. They liked to "keep in touch." Andy hardly ever replied to email. He would pick up that phone and let his fingers do the dialing. He read off the senders' addresses, when he came across one from EverwoodSux@hotmail.com. He had to laugh at the email address his son adopted. That boy never ceases to amaze him.  
  
His stomach turned into a chunk of ice as he read the dreadful email from Ephram. Every sentence made his heart hammer against his chest. Oh my God. Where could he be? Where is he? Andy panicked. Waitaminute, he said something about a tub..Oh my God, he's at HOME!!  
  
Andy sprang from his chair and ran out the office. He almost ran into nurse Edna, who was walking towards his direction with an armful of papers. She whirled around managing to steady herself and cried, "Hey, where's the fire?" as Andy headed for the door. Dr. Brown was too preoccupied with his cell phone to give a smart reply. He dialed for home. The phone rang about 20 times. No answer. Then he called Nina, his cute neighbor. Oh please be home Nina. Please., Andy thought. She picked up on the 4th ring.  
  
"Hello?" Nina said.  
  
"Nina? Thank God you're home!!" He said breathlessly.  
  
"Andy? Is that you? Where are you?"  
  
"I'm driving home. Listen, I need you to do something for me."  
  
"OK.uh.wha."  
  
"Can you get into my house?" Andy cut her off.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"It's Ephram. I think he's in trouble. Got an email from him this morning. It was a suicide note, Nina." Andy gulped.  
  
"What?!" Nina was dumbfounded.  
  
"He said the tub would catch it all. He's in the bathroom. I'm about 4 or 5 blocks away. Can you check the house?"  
  
"Oh, I don't have your house key. But I'll pound on the door. Maybe he'll hear me." Nina replied as she grabbed her cell phone from her purse. Andy wished he kept a spare key under the welcome mat like every resident of Everwood but living in New York too long had robbed him of trust.  
  
"Thanks Nina. I'll be there soon."  
  
Nina took the shortcut thru the lawn and jogged up the porch steps. She rang the doorbell consecutive times. No answer. No movement. She rapped on the door. Still no answer. She repeatedly called out Ephram's name and put her ear against the door to listen for any possible sounds. Nothing. Maybe he's not here, she thought. Maybe this was just a big misunderstanding. She prayed for Ephram's safety and continued pounding on the door.  
  
A dark green Ford Taurus skidded into the driveway and out came Dr. Brown at lightning speed. He nervously unlocked the door to his house. They called frantically for Ephram. Andy bolted up the stairs skipping two steps at a time with Nina shortly behind. They approached the bathroom. The door was almost closed. Barely a crack.  
  
Andy pushed the bathroom door open and found Ephram unconscious on the floor with a thick pool of blood under each wrist. The next few seconds were the longest moments of Andy's life. Trembling with fear, he felt Ephram's neck for a pulse. Nina, with her convulsing hands clapped over her mouth and tears welling in her eyes, looked at Andy for the answer. "There's a pulse, he's still alive." Andy announced. "We got to get him to the hospital quick." He and Nina grabbed towels off the towel rack and wrapped Ephram's wrists tightly to stop the bleeding. Ephram stirred and let out a soft moan.  
  
"Ephram...son, wake up. Please wake up." Andy begged. His heart broke when he saw his son's colorless tear-stained face. Ephram's eyes opened slowly. Andy choked back tears. He had to be in control. He had to save his son's life. "You're gonna be OK." Andy tried to sound reassuring.  
  
"Dad." Ephram whimpered. "Leave me alone...my fault she.she's."  
  
"NO! Ephram! Listen to me. It's NOT your fault. It's NOT!!!" Andy yelled. He clutched Ephram by the shoulders and shook him gently seeing that Ephram looked like he was going to faint again. "Stay awake, son." Andy hurried with the towels. Ephram felt his eyelids getting heavier and heavier. He closed his eyes. The darkness was so comforting and inviting. He couldn't fight it and was slipping away. Drifting in and out of consciousness, the last thing he remembered feeling was his father picking him up in his arms.  
  
** end of chapter 4 ** 


	5. Keeping Faith

Chapter 5: Keeping Faith  
  
Nina burst through the automatic doors of Everwood General and hollered "Help!! Emergency!!" as Andy rushed behind her carrying Ephram, who barely had a pulse, in his arms like a ragged doll. Upon seeing Andy and his son covered in blood, the nurses sped into animation. They brought a gurney and Andy placed Ephram carefully on it.  
  
"He slashed his wrists." Andy mumbled as he walked with the nurses, who were busy attaching the oxygen mask and sticking needles into the boy.  
  
A hospital doctor appeared from one of the hallways and gave instructions to the nurses as they wheeled the gurney into the operating room. "What can I do? I want to help him. I'm a doctor." Andy cried frantically in tears. The doctor held Andy back. Andy tried to struggle free. "Let me go! I have to help my son. Please.."  
  
"This is as far as you go, we need you to stay out here." The doctor said calmly. Andy looked up and recognized the doctor.  
  
"Harv, he's dying. I need to help him. It's my son in there!"  
  
"I'm aware of that, which is all the more reason for you to wait out here. I've known you for a long time now Andy and you know the procedure. You are in too much shock to stay focused. Have a seat and let me handle this. OK?" Harv replied. Andy nodded reluctantly and watched Harv quickly disappear thru the operating room doors.  
  
Andy went to the restroom to clean up. He watched the blood swirl down the drain as he rinsed his blood drenched hands at the sink. He tried the best he could to wash the sopping blood off his plaid shirt. It was hard to take in everything that happened in the past 3 hours. It felt like it was all just a bad dream. Andy have seen dozens of similar cases but it never occurred to him that it could happen in his own family. He splashed cold water on his face.  
  
He eventually made his way back to the waiting area where Nina was sitting. He took the seat next to her. Andy felt sick to the stomach. He buried his face in his hands.  
  
"It's really bad, Nina." He mumbled. "This can't be happening."  
  
"It'll be OK. Dr. Reynolds is a great doctor. Ephram is in good hands." Nina said rubbing his shoulder softly.  
  
"I should've paid more attention to him. Nobody to blame but myself. We never discussed Julia's death. How stupid of me to think it wouldn't affect him. I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to rehash the past and breakdown again. I was only thinking of my pain. But he was hurting so terribly that he wanted to end his life. There wouldn't be this day if only I talked to him. Am I a bad father?"  
  
"It's not your fault. Don't do this to yourself. You couldn't have known."  
  
"I yelled at him last night. I drove him to it. I know I did. He snapped."  
  
"Andy.."  
  
"Nina, what if he dies? How can I go on knowing my son killed himself?" Andy cried in his hands. "I can't go thru this again. It was enough with Julia. Ephram and Delia are all I have. I can't lose him. What am I going to tell Delia?" He sobbed.  
  
"Ephram's not going to die. Things will be ok. He's a fighter. I'm sure he'll pull thru." Nina whispered. It was a bit frightening for her to see Andy, who usually appeared so stern and always in control, to break down in tears. She just held him in her arms and tried to comfort him as he wept.  
  
"It's almost recess. I'll pick up Delia and Sam from school and bring them here. Are you going to be OK until then?" Nina said when Andy started to calm down. Andy nodded as Nina got up to leave.  
  
Andy asked the nurses at the station for an update on his son's condition ten times within the next hour. But they had no answer for him. He paced the room impatiently. Tears rolled down his face as he looked out the window. But he told himself he had to be strong for Delia's sake. It was hard to control his feelings since they were so fragile. He was heartbroken and scared. He couldn't imagine life without Ephram. The three of them were a team.  
  
"Daddy, daddy!" Delia called as she ran into her father's arms. Andy hugged her ever so tightly. He felt a hot tear slide down his cheek. All the emotion touched Nina so much that she started crying too. "What are we doing here? Where's Ephram? Why do you have blood on your shirt?" Delia asked drawing her attention to the faded blood stain on Andy's shirt.  
  
"Sweetheart, Ephram had a very bad accident." Andy adjusted Delia's baseball cap.  
  
"Is he gonna be ok? Can I see him?" Delia said worriedly.  
  
"The doctor and nurses are with him right now. They are going to make him better. We have to wait here." His voice shook and he could feel the tears coming again. The lump in his throat wasn't going away. Nina had to pull Delia away and took the kids to get a candy bar from the vending machine. She came back with a cup of hot coffee for Andy.  
  
"What's taking them so long?" Andy questioned in frustration.  
  
"They're doing everything they can." Nina replied tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.  
  
It was another four hours before Harv came down the hall. By then, the Abbott's and the Hart's had joined Andy and Nina at the hospital. After all, it was a small town and news travelled at the speed of light. Everyone got up from their seats. Andy felt a rush of anticipation and fear. Oh God, please let him be alright, Andy prayed.  
  
"He was touch and go for a minute but we managed to stabilize him. The kid lost a lot of blood. We moved him to I.C.U. where he'll get around the clock care." Dr. Reynolds said as he wiped the beads of sweat off his brow. Andy breathed a sigh of momentary relief.  
  
"I want to see him." Andy pressed. "We all do."  
  
"Sorry, can't allow all of you to go in. Just members of the immediate family. The next 48 hours is critical." Dr. Reynolds reasoned and everyone obeyed given the circumstances. "I'll bring you up in half hour."  
  
***  
  
Dr. Reynolds had advised him not to expect much. The room was motionless except for the occasional soft beep coming from the heart monitor seated neatly next to Ephram's bed. He approached Ephram slowly. Andy noticed heavy white bandages on both of Ephram's wrists. Oxygen tubes were plugged up his nose and an I.V. inserted into his left arm. Skinny wires attached to his chest snaked it's way out of his white hospital gown and hooked up to a heart monitor.  
  
Andy couldn't believe it was his son lying in that bed. It didn't look like the Ephram he knew. Ephram appeared to have lost a great deal of weight. He had shrunk in size, his face was whiter than the pillow he rested his head on, his thin dry lips were a shade of lavender, and unusually dark circles formed under his eyes. He was awfully still and looked almost dead except for his chest moving as he breathed.  
  
Andy pulled a chair over. He wanted to hold Ephram's hand, but that was pretty much out of the question. Ephram looked helpless. Andy wished he could do something to take away his son's pain.  
  
"Ephram, buddy, I know you can hear me. Sometimes, we can't explain things that happen. Don't take it out on yourself for your mother's death. She would've highly disapproved of your actions today. It wasn't your fault. You have to pull thru. I can't handle things without you." Andy spoke as he fixed Ephram's tousled hair. "I love you."  
  
He wanted to tell him so much. But he was so low in spirits that he just sat there staring at Ephram's scrawny face for over an hour until Dr. Reynolds came for him.  
  
"Go home and get some rest." Dr. Reynolds said softly.  
  
"I want to stay. I want to be here when he wakes up." Andy refused.  
  
"I know you do, but it's getting late and don't you think you should take Delia home? She's been asking for you. Andy, I honestly don't think he's going to wake up tonight. He's been thru hell. There isn't anything you can do for him right now. But I'll call you if there are any changes thru the night. Big or small." Dr. Reynolds promised.  
  
Believing him, Andy reluctantly said to Ephram "See ya tomorrow." And left the room. He went back to the waiting area, where his and Ephram's friends sat anxiously. Delia and Sam were stretched out on the couch softly sleeping. Andy told them about Ephram's current condition and persuaded everyone to go home.  
  
Andy and Nina brought the sleepy kids home. After setting Delia to bed, Andy cleaned up the blood on the bathroom floor. He started crying as he scrubbed the tiles. It was going to be a long sleepless night.  
  
* end of chapter 5 * 


	6. Awakening

Chapter 6: Awakening  
  
It had been two days since the suicide attempt and Andy was glued to Ephram's bedside. Ephram's condition had not changed. As the hours passed, Andy got more and more desperate. He rested his elbows on Ephram's bed watching his son sleep.  
  
"Son, please wake up. Don't do this to me. I swear I'll take better care of you. You and Delia are my whole world, you hear? We still need you...I need you." Andy sobbed in despair as he buried his head in his arms.  
  
Suddenly, Ephram started to wake. He breathed a quiet sigh and opened his eyes. Ephram had no idea where he was. He thought he died because he didn't feel any pain, but as his senses became more acute, the pain slowly spread throughout his body and he realized he was indeed alive. In pain, but still alive. He tried to move his arms but they weighed a ton. His mouth was parched and his tongue felt like sandpaper. It was a task trying to swallow. He glanced at his father, who was sobbing quite loudlyby his beside. Ephram hadn't seen his father cry this way since his mother's funeral. "Oh Ephram..I need you..." Andy kept saying. Ephram tried to say "Dad" but it came out as a loud grunt, which no doubt caught Andy's attention.  
  
"Ephram? Ephram! You're awake!!" Andy exclaimed wiping his tears away. Ephram swallowed hard and sucked in oxygen deeply. He was gearing himself up to say something understandable. "You in pain? Maybe the nurse can give you something.." Andy continued as he was about to get up.  
  
"Noo!.Da..don't go.." Ephram groaned. Yes, he was in pain but he didn't want his father to leave his side. He cleared his throat as his voice was returning.  
  
"OK..I won't." Andy said. "You gave us quite a scare. You were out cold for two days. You had me so worried."  
  
"Sorry." Ephram stared at the ceiling. His chin quivered and streams of tears flowed out of his greenish-gray eyes. Tears dripped in his ears and down his cheeks. Andy wanted to hold Ephram in his arms and never let go.  
  
"Don't cry. Please don't cry, baby." Andy whispered and wiped Ephram's tears gently with his palm. "It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. I don't know what I have to do or say to make you believe that. You didn't have anything to do with it. It would've happpened regardless. It was her fate."  
  
"I miss her." Ephram cried and stiffled a sob. He felt his heart race making the heart monitor beep faster. "I miss her so much!"  
  
"I miss her too." Andy replied. "She may be dead but she's very much alive in spirit. And you know what's even better? She's alive in our hearts and she knows we loved her and that we miss her. She would've wanted us to move on and live life to the fullest. It's hard, but we gotta try and take one day at a time." Ephram closed his eyes tight but the tears continued to fall.  
  
"I know we've never really talked about Julia's death when we should have. It just hurt too much. I didn't realize not talking about it hurt you more than it hurt me. And I'm sorry. Ephram, promise me you'll never do this again. I've already lost one person I loved, I can't bear to lose another one." Andy continued.  
  
"I'm afraid!" Ephram yelled between uncontrollable sobs. He breathed deeply for oxygen.  
  
"Afraid?" Andy asked confusedly and was beginning to notice the heart monitor beeping more rapidly.  
  
"Afraid of losing you! What if I lost you like I lost mom? I'm afraid of losing you, dad. I." Ephram found it a bit difficult to breathe with all the excitement. He felt light-headed and gasped for air.  
  
"It's ok, Ephram.. Calm down. I'm here. I won't leave you.ever." He said soothingly rubbing Ephram's shoulder for him to relax. "Come on, breathe.there you go. Relax."  
  
Ephram calmed down a bit but was still crying. He hurt. His shoulders felt pinned down. He could barely move his arms. He felt nauseous but was too weak to vomit, though he didn't have anything in his stomach to throw up.  
  
"Ephram? Are you in pain?" Andy asked worriedly. Ephram nodded. "I'll be right back." Andy went to get the nurse.  
  
Mrs. Caine, the nurse on duty, made a big fuss over Ephram and he enjoyed the motherly affection he was getting. She gave Ephram a shot of antibiotics and told him that if he needed anything else, all he had to do was ask.  
  
"Feeling any better?" Andy asked after a short while.  
  
"A bit." Ephram winced. The tears had stopped. "What time is it?"  
  
"A little after 8 pm, Saturday. I'm glad you're going to be ok. I didn't know how to explain this to Delia. I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. She thinks you had an accident. She wants to see you so badly. And your friends are outside. They were worried sick about you. If you want to see them.."  
  
"No. I can't face them right now. Especially Delia. I just can't."  
  
"It's ok, you don't have to see them if you don't want to. You'll see them when you're ready." Andy said seeing Ephram almost on the verge of tears again. "You'll be alright, Ephram. You'll see. We'll go thru this together."  
  
"I'm not going to see a shrink." Ephram said as-a-matter-of-factly.  
  
"Nobody said you had to." It forced a tiny smile on Andy's lips. "Kiddo, the first thing I'm gonna do when you get outta here is feed you. You're just skin and bones now."  
  
Ephram was a little surprised to hear his dad call him 'Kiddo' since he hadn't been called that pet name by him since he was five. It was comforting to know that his dad remembered.  
  
"And once you've recovered and been well fed, what say you and I spend a weekend camping? Everwood's gotta be good for something. It'll be just the two of us. Kinda like a getting-to-know-each-other outting? Delia can sleep over at Nina's. She'd like that. Delia and Sam seem to be inseparable these days. What do you say?" Andy rambled.  
  
"OK." Ephram cracked a tiny smile. Andy hadn't seen his son smile in a long time. The drugs were starting to work on Ephram. He felt a bit drowsy no matter how hard he tried to fight it.  
  
"You alright?" Andy touched Ephram's arm.  
  
"Hmmmm. Yea, just a bit tired."  
  
"You'd better get some rest then." Ephram refused to sleep because he was afraid his father would leave his side. He just looked at his father without saying a word. "Go on, sleep. Close your eyes. I'll be right here. Promise."  
  
Andy pulled the covers up and tucked Ephram in. He loved Ephram so much. He gently placed one of Ephram's bandaged hand into his. Ephram was only able to wiggle his fingers but he wanted to hold his father's hand.  
  
"Kiddo, go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake. Trust me. I will." Andy said in almost a whisper. Ephram closed his eyes for a brief moment.  
  
"Dad?" Ephram said sleepily.  
  
"Yep?" Andy answered.  
  
"I love you." Ephram whispered. Andy smiled as he heard those words come out of his son's mouth. Words he longed to hear. He reached over and kissed Ephram on the forehead.  
  
"I love you too Ephram." Andy said and watched Ephram sleep. It would be the first good sleep he's had in months. Somehow, Andy and Ephram knew in their hearts that things will work out for them given one day at a time. Ephram was not sure how to face his friends after this ordeal, but he figures he'll take it slow. The pain and grief was still there, but now he didn't have to bottle up his emotions. He had someone to walk the mile with. He was not alone. He hadn't realized it before, but he knows it now. His father loved and cared about him immensely. It was a beginning.  
  
***** The Start ****** 


End file.
